The Streets are Sleeping

[Endeva.]

The streets might be sleeping but still eating
Competing and depleting cos no one’s retreating
It just keeps repeating like a sports meeting
Except cheating’s allowed as part of the beating
Cos Its just about defeating the opposite side
So you can lie, ride a drive-by, until one of you dies
The streets stay the same, another relative cries
Why?… Are dry eyes not better than goodbyes
Bricks and mortar aren’t alive, its people that is
So let the streets sleep, while heart beats live
Give a shit, don’t give shit, yea that’s the biz
Commiserations aren’t good, it fucks the hood
Draw up an amnesty instead of drawing blood
It would make life easier for the majority within
So lets eradicate sin and bring a grin to the chin
Then everyone wins, violin’s will cease to play
And our days will be brighter, lighter like a sun ray
The only prey will be bovine, a beef buffet
So obey your morals, don’t quarrel with others
Treat men as brothers, don’t be haters, be lover’s
Yea, we need to discover a new way of living
Or one day there’ll be no where to play for our children

[warchild]

I liked this piece in one way but didnt like it in another way.
I think the concept was deep and you put good emotion into the words you didnt go crazy with the vocabulary which i like cause i hate when you read a piece and it just has big words all the way through it for no reason.
You made some good points in the piece espically the last 2 lines i really felt that line cause its actually true.
The thing i didnt like about this piece was the flow youve been on this site long enough so i suspect you know what flow means it was just weak there was no multies or internals to grab my attention.
Im not saying my pieces are great but i always mix in a shit load of multies and internals which i think makes a verse sound smoother if you do audios.
Like i said it was a good piece but would of been better if you upped the flow.

Check my last post out tell me what you think id appeciate the comments:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232302

[Endeva.]

i know what you mean, but i thought a simple approach would emphasise the content, anyways thanks, next drop ill really beef it up, but its not really my style these days, lol...

ill hit your drop soon, once im finished up what im doing

thnx...

[Endeva.]

uppin

[Alphabetize]

good flow dude, u had a good structure, good job

[Alphabetize]

yeah war child or w/e is also right , good job still

[~ladie_streetz~]

nive vocab..... you're topic was good as well..... you had good rhymin skillz and this was interesting, the flow was hot as welll...

[Violent.]

Pretty dope peice.

Emotional thats for sure, but at times the multis seemed a little forced and it seemed as if there was too many of them. Rhyme scheme was on point and nice. Flow was nice except for some lines, nothing major. A dope peice overall.

Original concept and such, so yeah, nice peice.


Return the favour:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231452

Pz.

[Endeva.]

^^thnx man...

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[David Lama]

pretty basic, but it flowed well and was cool overall, some simple lines in there that werent amazing but you did what you wanted to do and thats what matters. next time try to use a bigger vocab if possible, maybe swicth up the rhyme scheme a bit so it wont be repetitive. pz

yo can you hit me up with some feedback on this please.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233249

[Endeva.]

uppin...