Don't Stop For Hitch-Hikers

[Play-Boy187G]

Originally posted in UGM under my other sig (The Optimist)

For whatever distinguished reasons
left the house with steamin breathin
back pack stuffed wiith clothes unfolded
walkin down the road I'm cold and
fearful of the strangers roamin
I glance at the heat I'm holdin
calm my nerves my safety blanket
lift the 40 and I drank it
I reach the outskirts of the town
oblivious to surrounding sounds
focused on my brains convo
choked up teary can't swallow
lift my thumb up in the air
I'll go anywhere I don't care
notice my hand is red with blood
if I could go back I swear I would
finally a car stops
it pulls closer it's the cops
"where ya headed son" they ask
"and why you got on that mask?"
"it's cold outside" is my response
"and I'm headed to my aunts"
"well you be careful there's been a murder"
"we have to investigate it further"
"but it looks like an execution"
"shot in the head, that's my conclusion"
my heart pounded to escape
skin began to presperate
they pulled off a car pulled up
I threw my bag into the trunk
(*got in*)
"I shot my step-dad" grim is felt
then I killed him and killed myself....


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...98#post3310898
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3310952

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241520

[I_Me]

i like the beginning alot, and i honestly got lost at the end but other than that it seemed pretty straight

[Play-Boy187G]

good lookin on the feedback up and out.......

[Spul Ka Trinde]

Wasnt feelin this at all......
Seemed like a play skit more then a song wit all the Q'S and A'S and the answers..... flow was off beat on some parts, structure was descent but the wordplay was basic n use of vocab was basic. Topic of this OM wasnt much either It didnt grab my interest n it seemed a bit soft as well.

Elevate on ya wordplay n better topics to spit about


holla

[Play-Boy187G]

aight I'll try some other shit...good lookin on the feedback man...up

[Lyric Striker]

i like the beginning alot, and i honestly got lost at the end but other than that it seemed pretty straight

I agree with this....just up ya vocab...nice topic..i liked it but at the end i got

lost.....rhymes were good...props for that.........well aiight drop man, keep elevating

and keep it up.......peace homie

[Play-Boy187G]

thanks a lot for feed man...hit me with a link or somethin and I'll return the favor...up

[BigBoss]

Bro, the idea was real cool. It made me laugh when u said:
"finally a car stops
it pulls closer it's the cops
"where ya headed son" they ask
"and why you got on that mask?"" <<<haha, i dont think im gonna stop for someone that is wearing a mask....

The best part was:
"I reach the outskirts of the town
oblivious to surrounding sounds
focused on my brains convo
choked up teary can't swallow
lift my thumb up in the air
I'll go anywhere I don't care" <<its worded nice, and flows real good.

Everything else was about average.
my only critisism is that you could have been more creative. And spent a little more time on it...
all around it was alright..
you got good ideas, just get into them deep...
Anyways homie check out "RED Lip-Stick", its the link in my sig..
peace bro,
-Boss

[Freeney]

I really liked the concept of this piece. everything worked and grooved together, except, i too, got a little confused at the end as well. i think you should do like a part 2 or whatever because if left me wanting to hear more of his story.
just speakin my voice. good luck

[Play-Boy187G]

Good lookin ya'll....yeah I was thinkin about extending to explain the end more but I just ran outta time so I dropped it...good lookin all the feedback and I'll hit up your pieces tonight...peace.
-Play-Boy