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Thread: Conversations With God

  1. #1
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    Conversations With God

    Conversations With God

    They say life's a teacher, class is always in session
    Got me feeling worthless, not because of the recession
    In an "ocean" of faces, all I "sea" are facades
    Some say you're a fraud, I still call you my God


    Dear Father, Dear God, however I'm supposed to begin
    Save me from the influences teaching us to be men
    Gentleman is the combination of "gentle" and "man"
    being gentle costs me more than Cookie Monster's dental plan
    Feel like I'm paying the price for playing so nice
    Girls enticed by what TV shows while I pray for a slice
    Of heaven, not seven minutes of it in a closet
    Can you give me an answer or tell me who caused it?
    And He said “If you are sinless, then cast the first stone
    You’ve your own sins against females that you need to atone
    Need I remind you that these eyes of mine are not blind
    There’s not a thought in your mind that I cannot find
    But remember, I promised the earth to those who are meek
    So follow My technique and you shall find what you seek
    Spread My Word like the wealth or a Sam’s food sample
    And I will make you more ample to be a man’s example”

    So I come to you humbly and ask for your blessings
    Cause right now I feel more plain than salad with no dressing
    In an "ocean" of faces, all I "sea" are facades
    Some say you're a fraud, I still call you my God


    God, can you hear me? This is my weekly check in
    My second plea concerns the family I’ve been wreckin’
    Hard to stand up to the truth, so I’ll tell another lie
    Unlike most guys I tell them into my mother’s eyes
    And in those eyes I see pain, on her face I see grains
    Of salt from the tears that flow and leave her face stained
    Feel like I bother my father, no mister to my sister
    Things inside my home seem to be rougher than a blister
    And he replied “ My son, you fall short of me too
    But why do you think the past has passed and each day is new?
    That’s so you have the chance to grow better and enhance
    And live strong, and I’m not talking about bracelets from Lance
    So be a better family man today, they will always be there
    For you, just give your worries to Me and watch Me repair”

    Sometimes I get lost, so I come to You for advice
    Life’s got me scratching my head, I know I don’t have lice
    In an "ocean" of faces, all I "sea" are facades
    Some say you're a fraud, I still call you my God


    Hey God, it’s me again, can I chat with You friend to friend
    Been trying to fend off the haters who say You’re pretend
    They say the end is near and use it to strike up fear
    In the hearts of men, guess that explains the rise in sales of beer
    I know you see the way they distort your sense of humor
    Attacking our minds worse than malignant brain tumors
    I’m finding it insane how many people complain
    About all the strains in their life, then take your name in vain
    He answered “Don’t forget I’m the father of creation
    And the end will come as I declared in Revelations
    If you remain devout you’ve nothing to worry about
    I will only leave without those who are faithless or doubt
    No areas that are gray, so make sure that you pray
    That if today were the day, then heaven would make way
    for My son to come home, and you shall stay here forever
    And celebrate in paradise with Me, a heavenly endeavor”

    Thank you God, for always providing me an answer
    And protecting me from harm, from the devil’s cancer
    I “sea” faces now instead of an “ocean” of facades
    And I know there are many frauds, but you’re the one true God




    >Links<
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...661/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...556/index.html

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  2. #2
    Choose the sword... Iglosone's Avatar
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    Re: Conversations With God

    In an "ocean" of faces, all I "sea" are facades
    Some say you're a fraud, I still call you my God
    I am a fan of your word play in that

    okay.. let me be kind of critical here homie

    being gentle costs me more than Cookie Monster's dental plan
    I dont like the idea of writing such a serious piece and the going over to humorous lines like that.. to me the change the mood of the piece too much and din't fit in

    Of heaven, not seven minutes of it in a closet
    Can you give me an answer or tell me who caused it?
    This also was worded kind of odd to me here and didn't really make much sense or come of sounding natural.. I would'a said.. evils full in most hearts.. and people applaud it or something

    But remember, I promised the earth to those who are meek
    So follow My technique and you shall find what you seek
    I did like this homie

    Hard to stand up to the truth, so I’ll tell another lie
    Unlike most guys I tell them into my mother’s eyes
    And in those eyes I see pain, on her face I see grains
    Of salt from the tears that flow and leave her face stained
    Feel like I bother my father, no mister to my sister
    Things inside my home seem to be rougher than a blister
    And he replied “ My son, you fall short of me too
    But why do you think the past has passed and each day is new?
    I liked this section because you made some concrete sense.. picked some content.. and expanded it out.. it was my fav section so far

    He answered “Don’t forget I’m the father of creation
    And the end will come as I declared in Revelations
    If you remain devout you’ve nothing to worry about
    I will only leave without those who are faithless or doubt
    No areas that are gray, so make sure that you pray
    That if today were the day, then heaven would make way
    I liked this to.. it was not ultra-complex.. but I closed up the piece nicely.. coulda ednded here.. or maybe u could have though of somehting better than heavenly endvor to close it up

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    [youtube]CTMuvPxRWW4[/youtube]
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  3. #3
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    Re: Conversations With God

    Thanks for the feedback man.
    I will take it all on board...and try to drop something better next time.
    Constructive criticism is alway welcome...it does help.

    Thanks

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  4. #4
    dade county
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    Re: Conversations With God

    nice concept pretty good read man i do agree that the cookie monster bar should not have been there nice 2 see somethin different than what i see mostly your 2nd verse stood out the most 2 me flow&multies were all on point good stuff


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...640/index.html rtf

  5. #5
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    Re: Conversations With God

    I agree with you both, the 'cookie monster' bar doesnt really go, should have left it out.

    more feed on this please guys.

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  6. #6
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    Re: Conversations With God

    up.

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  7. #7
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    Re: Conversations With God

    Please feed this...

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  8. #8
    I could fly if I wanted Silk Sky's Avatar
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    Re: Conversations With God

    cookie monster's dental plan
    .....LOL
    that was almost a punch in a way

    Cause right now I feel more plain than salad with no dressing
    and another one...

    my advice is to be careful with the level of playfulness in your metas...if you want us to take your verse seriously and not think its just an amusing joke, you need to find more of a balance between humorous metas and serious meaning. It appears as though your verse is very cynical, but I'm not sure if that was your intent or not...if so, you need to up the ridiculousness of the idea of God, if not, tone down your metas a bit. On a side note, whenever you have a character actually speaking, I would put that in a separate stanza, it helps the reader to put aside the commentary and focus just on the quotes.
    Overall, this was a very interesting piece, and I liked the concept and how you twisted it to being different from other "conversations with god". Ups!

    oh yes, please RTF on "Majority Burns" I'll be posting it in a few. thanks!
    Last edited by Silk Sky; July 8th, 2010 at 02:26 PM

  9. #9
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    Re: Conversations With God

    They say life's a teacher, class is always in session
    Got me feeling worthless, not because of the recession
    In an "ocean" of faces, all I "sea" are facades
    Some say you're a fraud, I still call you my God
    Awesome chorus.....really liked it

    the rest of the piece was good 2....flow vocab everything good. the only crit i have is what the guy above me said^^^......be careful not to sound too lighthearted in a serious piece.....the cookie monster thing made me laugh but it ddnt fit at all.....overall 9/10,
    enjoyed this alot

    btw, your the dude that collabed with prophet right?

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