is this good?

[nekrowlogikal]

GAS CHAMBER - suffocating all with no remainders
choking on saliva and the vapor - ruling of a dictator
battered and naked, baked ‘em inside ovens when they chained ‘em
got some children? taken - shaken by the hangings of the necks
-
feet dangling, strangling, the knots are tangling
another hangs again by the rope; choked and slayed again
victims of the experiments injected with infections
genetically mutated corpses stacked - abnormal flexions

im looking for a topic to write about and to master at something and deep subjects might be my thing. sooooo the question is: from these 2 bars, wat did i do right/wrong so i could continue on making sure i do the right things for the rest of the song?

[The Archetype]

i'll tell you what you did wrong... you posted this in the wrong section... go to open mic... read the rules... post there

[nekrowlogikal]

i know but its not what i wrote that this topic is centered on; its the other half of the question which asks wat i could do to elevate the skill before finishing and if i should continue on with it.