dimes: a little something give me feed back

[RIPPINGTOSHREADS]

a song i just wrote and wont to drop on cd give me feed back please!

chorus:dimes,they simply always on my mind,
passion thoughts of sexen,we can do them anytime.
repeate3x
verse1;
a yo i'm vexen ,shorty's got me strung with her complection.
sexy personality,i bet she's good when she's sexen.
i seen her reflection, it hit me like a leathel injection,
i'll use my protection ,before i get into her sexion.

verse2:
a yo i'm vexon,shorty's got me wipped with the sexen;
the way she moves her hips got a nigga streight stressing.
for me to be with her,yes i feel it is a blessing.
to have her by my side and to have her loves protection;

verse3:
the way she likes to dress got the next nigga's wetting.
they need to move away before the bodys start collectin.
for her protection,i can't belive they simply testing.
motherfuckers stepping up they bound to learn a lesson.
verse4
uh!no question shorty taught me a very sincer lesson .
never trust a bit*h tha ain't fund of the blessing.
i raised the question the bit*H just saddly started stepping.
a misconcepion she was the mistress of deception:
and she was desting to stop a nigga from progressing
steady testing, while keeping motherfu*Kers wetting:

back to chorus than too 7 bar spits about shortys with the chorus in the middle then back to chorus and stop while the beat takes off then slowly fades away to end the song !

[RIPPINGTOSHREADS]

can igett some feed please

[Kalos Graphē]

yo nigga, those verses was 2 short nigga, usually verses around 16 bars or so on sum real wax shit yanoe? also try and use more than 1 rhyme, u was rhymin tha same word 4-5 timez through the piece, also it makes it more interesting when u use different words and rhymes 2 express ur piece nigga, not bad 4 starters, i c sum potential in u nigga... flow was good, structure was ok, sum o that shit made no sense, seemed like u was tryin 2 hard 2 put a rhyme in there, only wit experience do rappers kno when 2 change a rhyme, so keep practicin and u'll get it... up ur vocab, i kno it sounds stupid, but if u wanna make good impressions u want good vocab, u can still do ya G thang and hav good vocab nigga trust me... i pulled thru it... i used 2 spit jus like that now i've practiced alot and i've improved my game alot by niggaz feeds yanoe? ok 4 a new rapper, keep it ez nigga

return tha favor nigga
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221957

[ak-mixa]

flow was good and da piece was waaaay too short but could of been elevated more....try and spit some wordplay in for da metaphors and stuff and u should be str8........I thought dis piece was good but it could use some adjustments here and there but nonetheless....good job I give it a 6/10..........better than average.

[sILLable]

too short...you got some wordplay...kinda basic though...you got a little bit of complexuty....but you should elevate..and pick another topic...something more creative.....and i wouldnt drop this piece on a cd...it isnt worthy